And then I hit my breaking point

After over 150 flights for my corporate job in 2018 I found myself laying on my floor January 1, 2019 in tears.  Ugly tears. Angry tears. Exhausted tears. I was unhappy, and had maxed myself out trying to build my Texi Boot brand while working a demanding corporate job.  I had reached what felt like a breaking point.  

I was easily working 100-120 hours a week between the two.  I had lost 15 pounds and was practically a walking skeleton of stress and anxiety.  Everyone around me was worried about me, except myself. I didn’t have time to take care of me, I was too busy taking care of other people’s companies and demands.  I didn’t know how to set boundaries for myself and was literally killing myself to meet unrealistic expectations from those around me.  

As I laid there on my floor crying on New Years, praying this year would be better as I threw my hands and a few choice words up to God, I heard Him say, “This is the year I am going to ask you to step out onto the water, and you must trust me.”  This sounded like another year of going out on faith, and honestly, I didn’t know if I could muster up the strength for round two of 2018. But I told him “ok” and jotted those words down in my journal, took a deep breath and started packing for another 30 days on the road for my corporate job.

That single act of surrender would change my life forever

It was within those next 30 days that I met my future husband.  Two weeks later, he proposed. Three months later I was let go from my corporate job and went full-time in pursuit of Texi Boots.  Six months later I was married, gave away 95% of my belongings and moved onto a sailboat with my new husband.  

Six months after I heard God say “I am going to ask you to step out onto the water”, I was literally living on the water.  God has quite the sense of humor. But, I didn’t find it quite as funny. As it required me to let go and leave behind almost every material possession I loved as well as a world I was very comfortable in.  

I had worked my butt off to build a reputation I was proud of in my industry.  All of the work I had done for Texi and in my career had also afforded me 5 closets full of beautiful pieces I was proud of.  And all of this I had to let go.  

I had to shift my thinking.  I wasn’t walking away from an industry I had thrived in and a closet full of designer clothes and shoes.  I was walking into a new purpose and new direction that God had called me to and it required leaving behind everything that held me back.  It took releasing what I thought I needed so my hands could be open to receive what he had for me.  

I now wakeup with my absolute best friend and love of my life.  I go into a beautiful office for Texi Boots and work for myself.  Instead of my phone blowing up at 6am with demands and questions from other people I spend that time over tea and devotions with my husband.  

My life took a shift when my knees hit the floor

Why did it take me throwing my hands up and almost breaking completely for me to cry out to God for my life to change?  A question I now know the answer to.  

  1. It is hard for a prideful person to be willing to let go of control.  It is hard for a prideful person to admit that they are full of pride.  I learned letting go and saying no are the most freeing moments one can experience.  Letting go of pride and being willing to experience walking away from what you know so you can step into something more fruitful is scary, yet worth it.

  2. We give ourselves too much credit for what we can do on our own.  I have realized God couldn’t truly use me until I reached the point that I could no longer do it without Him.  I am wishing I had found that moment sooner. #thankspride 

  3. We are scared of not being in control.  Being in that space is where we end up hurt, we end up brokenhearted we end up at the mercy of someone else’s selfishness.  Yet, I realized if we put control in the right hands, it is the most peaceful place that one can live.  

I can honestly say after choosing to lay down my pride and take a step of faith, that the water is the most peaceful place I could be.  And I am so happy I chose to take that step.  

When you release what is wrong for you, you open your life to everything that is meant for you

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